About love

Another two months of happily slacking off. I’m hopeless. Life has been so happy that I’ve been too busy living it. Luckily, it isn’t always quite that happy—right now, for instance—so I’ve found a moment to write something.

Love is a lot like an amplifier. It amplifies bewilderment, anxiety, and sorrow tenfold, then amplifies happiness and joy ten thousandfold, and uses that happiness and joy to heal everything. My heart is brimming with a spring of joy and happiness. Bewilderment, anxiety, and sorrow cannot touch me in the slightest.

Love is a constructive force. After a long period of self-imposed exile, I find this constructive impulse appearing in me unfamiliar and surprising. I’m surprised and delighted that it lets me discover I haven’t been entirely destroyed after all. I appreciate this force and enjoy the changes it brings.

I think that long ago, my inner world must have been full of chaos and violence, as if a gale had torn through it. But now, one part of it has a kind of pastoral poetry.

Perhaps I’m still too shy to speak, or perhaps language has its limits, but I can’t describe these overflowing feelings. Maybe, as I put them into words, the feelings themselves are already being changed by my language.

I want to speak, but stop short.