Collection of old WordPress blogs

This blog is a collection of my old blog posts. They were previously on my WordPress website. They are the start of everything here. But today I was inspired by my friends, and now I have decided to move them here.

Currently, I plan to create a new WordPress website through my PSU account. I will keep that site more formal and publish posts related to research there. Actually, I am transferring my research diary to that site. And I am going to keep this site for more personal stuff.

2024-08-16 07:51:25

For a long time, I have wanted to write something—something private, unrelated to any of my identities, something that belongs only to me. But I never found a suitable place to record it. Today it suddenly occurred to me that I could build a personal website, so I searched for information, and that is how this website—or blog, I suppose—came about. At first, I thought the idea was quite original. Only after searching did I realize that people had been doing it for ages. Coming up with something entirely new really is too difficult. I chose WordPress more or less at random, because the company seemed to have the largest market share. For now, I do not plan to pay for a membership, so there is a banner at the top of the page. I do not like it much; maybe I will get a membership later. I have rambled on quite a bit, but I have finally done something I have wanted to do for a long time, and that makes me pretty happy. From now on, I will try to keep writing. Hello world!

2024-08-16 12:10:17

I am so excited. Being able to write something anytime, anywhere feels wonderful. I used to have all sorts of thoughts and then simply forget them. It is not that I never thought about recording them somehow; I just never actually did it. Thinking about it carefully, it is really the blog format that attracted me and made me decide to write my thoughts down. A blog is different from public writing on WeChat Moments or Weibo, and different from writing in a notes app or a personal notebook. First, it feels pretty cool, because not many people use one. Second, a blog is very private while still leaving open the possibility of being seen by someone else. That is what is truly exciting. It is like a message in a bottle by the sea: the point is not really what you write, but that it might cross an ocean and be read by another person. A blog is the same. Maybe one day I will share this blog with people, or maybe I have subconsciously had that idea from the very beginning. Who knows?

Next, I need to stick with it and try to write a little every day. Since I have plenty of time lately, I could learn some HTML or something and make the website better. Blogs can have pictures too, but for now I think I will avoid using it to document my daily life. I think those things belong on WeChat Moments.

One thing to bear in mind is that a blog is not an entirely naked, truthful reflection of life, at least for me. Jiang Wen once said, “What decent person keeps a diary?” There is a deep question here about how people perceive their own morality. I am hardly going to expose my dark side or all my thoughts without holding anything back. After all, even with ourselves, there is a tendency toward moral self-deception, because everyone wants their image of themselves to be good—which is obviously impossible, even when facing only themselves.

Finally, a few thoughts about life. I need to work hard lately and try to learn more, which should help with my applications too. My plan for the next few days is to finish learning field theory and write something about it on Zhihu. Keep going.

2024-08-17 10:48:54

I was heading home when my mobile data suddenly stopped working. It took a while to fix. So annoying.

I really envy people who can use their phones on the bus without getting dizzy. I look at mine for a little while and my head starts spinning. Sigh. If only I did not get dizzy, I could use my phone along the way, and the trip would not be so boring.

My biggest realization today is that controlling myself really is difficult, especially with short videos. I genuinely cannot stop scrolling. As I scroll, there is always this feeling that I have not had enough, so I feel uncomfortable and want to keep going. But the more I scroll, the less satisfied I feel, and so I just keep scrolling. Eventually, I could not stand it anymore and finally forced myself to stop, putting up with the discomfort. I wanted to do something else, only to discover that my energy was already completely drained. It is such an awful experience. I hope I can control myself better in the future.

Today, I suddenly realized that I do not know why I am so prejudiced against another student. My rational mind tells me that he has done nothing out of line, yet for some reason I find him very irritating. I always feel as though he is offending me, and his jokes really are not funny. Maybe I am being neurotic and imagining things. My rational mind tries hard to suppress my emotional aversion, because I know that disliking someone for no reason is irrational. But that seems to make the aversion even stronger. Reason cannot control emotion. My head is a mess, and it feels awful.

Another thing I want to say is that YouTube really is good for learning. Just reading books gets a bit monotonous; looking for online courses and videos on YouTube makes things much better.

Fuck, I am on the bus right now, and it looks like it is raining outside. I did not bring an umbrella. So fucking annoying. Luckily, the rain eased a bit on the way home, though now it has started drizzling again.

2024-08-19 11:08:19

The rainy season is here. It has been raining for the past two days.

Today I went to give my new place a quick clean and put the sheets on the bed. I bought a chair, a comforter, a desk lamp, and some clothes hangers. Very happy. Spending money really does make people happy. Ready to enjoy my new life!

There were not many people in the lab today either. Everyone seems to have something else going on. I still need to hurry up and learn the experimental procedures so that I can take measurements or fabricate devices independently and start contributing as soon as possible.

I bought a new pair of Bluetooth earbuds. So nice. The cheap Baseus ones I had before were really lousy.

I am planning to write a Zhihu article in a few days to organize the basic models of quantum mechanics.

Looking forward to my new life!

2024-08-19 11:14:45

Ugh, I cannot take it anymore. I simply cannot publish posts on WordPress from my phone. Next time I will use my computer.

Nothing particularly new today. Since it is the weekend, there are still relatively few people in the lab. I studied quantum field theory all day, and I feel like I understand quite a lot of it now.

McDonald’s is pretty cheap. These past few days, whenever there has not been a group meal, I have been eating at McDonald’s. It is not bad, I suppose.

I am reading On Liberty, but the Chinese translation is absolute garbage. I feel like I would be better off reading it in English. I will look for the English original tomorrow.

Sleep has been a big problem lately. At night, I do not want to sleep, and I cannot fall asleep. It is miserable. It probably has something to do with staying in the lab too late, and the commute really takes up a lot of time. I hope things improve when I move into the new place.

2024-08-22 01:06:19

I have not written a blog post for two days. Maybe I lost the mood because I could not post from my phone. Besides, I really have been busy moving these past two days.

I have moved into the new place now. It feels very comfortable. I have bought lots of things, and life seems to be gradually settling down. Unfortunately, I left my slippers at my old landlord’s place, so I will have to ask him to bring them over another day.

These past few days, I have been doing experiments with a senior labmate until very late. It is exhausting, but I have also learned a lot.

Exercise really is necessary: stay healthy, stay in shape, stay in a good mood.

Black Myth is out. Unfortunately, my computer is too lousy to run it, so I can only play Hollow Knight to scratch the itch.

A running log of words, and life is much the same, flowing by like water.

2024-08-26 05:15:05

It has actually been quite a while since I last wrote a blog post. Probably because after moving, I spend less time on the bus. I suddenly remembered it today.

Hollow Knight is so fucking good. I have been playing it day and night these past few days. Even my fingers and reflexes have gotten quicker.

I cannot figure out some of the most basic concepts in QFT. It really is very different from QM. Or maybe I never understood QM all that well either.

I will stop here. Nothing particularly important going on. Back to studying.

2024-08-28 04:51:03

I have been completely hooked on Hollow Knight these past few days, playing until very late every night. Not great. I need to rein it in a bit.

Life is gradually getting on track, I suppose, and my daily routine is becoming more regular.

I still need to work hard and learn something new every day. As the saying goes, advance one pawn each day; no effort is wasted.

2024-09-04 12:05:01

Nothing much has happened lately. It feels like time has stood still. Change is the work of time; maybe it is because life has not changed much during this stretch.

I have learned how to pan-fry steak and am gradually getting better at it. It is delicious. My Coca-Cola chicken wings are pretty good too.

I should keep studying and take good notes. Move forward steadily, one step at a time.

2024-09-29 11:32:07

Perseverance really is a virtue I have never possessed. I am always going on about sticking with things, and after a while, it all disappears without a trace.

I have had a bit of a cough these past few days. So annoying. I do not know whether it is because of the cough, but at night my thoughts are always a mess. I lie in bed thinking about all sorts of things. Maybe it has something to do with graduation. Perhaps this is what they call growing up.

There are two main tasks right now: applications and the final paper for my undergraduate research project. I absolutely, absolutely cannot put them off any longer. These past few days, I was supposedly making progress, but in reality I was just dragging things out and covering for myself, getting nothing concrete done. I need more perseverance.

Perseverance.

2024-10-22 13:46:32

Application season really is a pain. I always feel this inexplicable anger welling up inside me. Uncertainty is the root of irritation and fear—that seems pretty true.

I seem to be the kind of person whose enthusiasm never lasts, something you can tell even from these sporadic posts. Today, a classmate’s lengthy remarks about writing gave me another push to write this post. Otherwise, who knows when I would have written again.

I should improve the interface next. The current one is lame as hell. I cannot let people think I am lame as hell too. I need to make the website better.

2024-10-26 11:46:16

Today my advisor asked whether I wanted to stay, and I said I might. It made things a little awkward. Maybe I should have said that I really wanted to stay.

Steven helped me revise my personal statement. My English is a pile of shit.

I have been feeling inexplicably tired lately and need to sleep for ages every day. I really should go to bed earlier from now on.

2024-12-21 12:57:47

It really has been a long time since I wrote a blog post. First of all, it is definitely not my fault. I have been writing my Research Diary lately, and it feels like that has replaced the blog. Today I tried uploading the Research Diary, but it did not quite work. I will try again.

2024-12-21 15:16:10

The great news is that I have solved all the issues and successfully published my research diary!

2024-12-27 12:09:20

Today is Christmas, but I am sad. Partly because I am so lonely: I am just one person in a foreign country. Another reason is that the applications are making me so anxious. Prof. Chang told me a lot about my situation, though it was not very positive. I did not go to the lab today. —– Above was written yesterday, but interrupted by Prof. Chang —– Today I feel better. Not getting a PhD is definitely not the end of the world. Just be positive and try my best!

2025-07-11 22:33:25

I have to admit that I have not written a blog post all term. There is nothing to argue about. I am so lazy. Now I can understand why some professors suddenly stop updating their websites. Anyway, this blog post is a sign of my return.